omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Randomize
