just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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