Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
