i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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