It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
