Did you just see the Batmobile???
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
