i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
