Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Randomize
