Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
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