so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
