He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
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