Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
