Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
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