I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
