I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
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