Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
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