In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Randomize
