I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Randomize
