Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
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