Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
Randomize
