And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
