i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
