When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Randomize
