Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
