she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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