I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Randomize
