All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
