I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
