I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Randomize
