So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
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Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
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I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
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