you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
