I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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