Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Randomize
