look no pants
what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Randomize
