I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
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