Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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