Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Randomize
