I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
