i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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