Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
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