he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize
