Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
Randomize
