I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Randomize
