Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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