sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Randomize
