What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
