Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
23 Theme Park Employees Confess The Biggest Adult Tantrums They’ve Witnessed
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Randomize
