enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
These 19 Guys Hit The Cougar Jackpot
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
35 Disappointing People Who Failed At Sexting
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great