margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
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