everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
