it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
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