Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize
