Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
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Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
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Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
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