dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
