Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
