I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
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