wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
