Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
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