..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
