he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Randomize
