I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
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