I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize
