carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Well I just put wine in my tea
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
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