Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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