hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Randomize
