Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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