you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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