..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
