someone threw a dead crab at me
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Randomize
