He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
Randomize
