Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
