i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
