Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
I have tasted many bathrooms
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
