And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Randomize
