To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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