Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
what day is it and did you see me today?
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
