She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
